I died in my dreams...

On March 31 2016, I died in my dreams. I went through the experience of death. It felt real. This is how it happened:

I am standing inside a dilapidated building with  some other people. Some faces I recognise, some are strangers and a few of my loved ones - my own family. We are hit by the realisation - we are going to get bombed like the others. I am very scared. I am scared with the proposition of having to die. I try to come to terms with the fact. How bad can it get - I think to myself. I just need to clench my teeth and bear the pain - I console myself. I hold hands with the people around me. I am happy I am surrounded by people. I am happy I am not dying alone- they are all dying with me . We are all going to meet the same fate. We are all going to the same place - together. And then 'it' begins.My grip gets tighter. I feel the buzz in my ears; just like how one would after a loud blast.I anticipate pain but there is no pain.I feel myself  shrinking and shrinking and shrinking till I get reduced to a size smaller than an atom.Now there is a blackout - I cannot tell for how long. It is a blackout with no dimensions. I hear a noise- like a bubble bursting. And we are back just where we were. We are in the same place - just smaller in size and the place is more dilapidated than it was before 'it' happened. Before we died.The number of people seemed to have reduced. Oh yes - it is only my family now. But not my entire family - it's me, my mum, my sister and my daughter. The men are missing. We are all naked. Mum is injured - she can barely walk. I find my daughter's pram lying around . Dirty and broken and bare - just like us. I put mum on the Pram. I put my daughter on mum's lap and hold my sister's hand. We are safe. We are ready to go. Although I don't know where to. I wake up. End of my dream. Weird.

It felt so real...

Confessions of a Spendthrift...

 

The laws of capitalism are strange. How else can you explain the following?

Monthly salary drawn by domestic help = Amount spent for a Sunday lunch buffet at a five star restaurant = Sum spent on a parlor visit for a pet   = Amount given away as tip at a fancy restaurant

All the above scenarios are possible only in a market driven capitalistic economy, keeping the sum of money the same in every situation. While a market economy enables us (1) to have an array of choices (2) takes care of the fair price for every product based on the demand and supply forces (3) provides a market for every conceivable human need/want and for every economic class; I cannot help but ponder over the unfairness – given the fungible nature of money, given the innumerable possibilities money, spent by me, has; of fetching so many other utilities for people with far greater needs than mine.

Every time I spend money on something that is fancy and is a result of my want rather than a need – I cannot help but feel somber. But I am also guilty of forgetting that somber moment till I feel somber again after another extravagant purchase.

Should I be feeling guilty? Do people who belong to the higher income group than I, feel guilty every time they splurge on things/ services that could have been done without? Is it arrogant to splurge money in an economy when a significant percentage of the population lives below the poverty line? I am not too sure about the right and wrong anymore, but it feels odd.

I get these bouts of desire to live frugally. There are weeks when I spend money very carefully – only on things that I truly cannot live without as opposed to things that I cannot do without. And I know the feeling to be very nice and peaceful behind that kind of living. But again, I find it hard to sustain it.

Life is full of such paradoxes – is it really possible to stick to one corner throughout? Or is it more to do with making the right choice at the right time? And if that is so, who tells you what is right at what time?

I wonder if there is an answer to that question….

Raising Ira - Post 3

Ira is growing up real fast. And with her the pile of stories is mounting too – the silly kinds, the funny ones, the touchy ones, the high energy ones, the milestones, the anecdotes that I would like to look back fondly upon. Therefore I have decided to document these little incidents as and when they happen, for posterity lest my memory fails me. 

 

Date: November 14, 2013 – Thursday, Pune

Our Ira believes in a clear desk policy. We arrived at this judgment after consistently noticing her pull down things from the table onto the floor and being extremely happy about it. Also, the fact that she invariably gets drawn to any object that is placed on the table within fraction of seconds of it being placed and then actively endeavors to dump the object  ‘not-so-neatly’ onto the floor – only corroborated our theory.

Therefore, we avoid keeping anything that is fragile on the table. This is the unsaid rule between Vikram and me in the house. Now being humans, we do tend to forget these rules every now and then especially after a hard day’s work at office, sometimes even a harder after work hours at home amusing Ira - only to see her giggle and smile and forget our tiredness and worries.

Anyway, in one such occurrence of tiredness and forgetfulness – Vikram had laid out his mobile phone on the center table which was well within the little devil’s reach. And before Vikram or I could blink she was right there grabbing the mobile, while I stood squinting expecting to hear a loud thud on the ground any second with the battery and back cover disintegrating and no surprises there , she did just the expected - picked up the phone in all her excitement flinging it around once and then twice AND there it was next to her ear as though she is answering a call and looking at Vikram expectantly to say something, say ‘hello’ perhaps…!

Vikram and I stood there speechless, at 9 months how did she know that it was a talking device meant to be placed next to the ear to listen in.  I guess, this was a milestone – for Vikram and for me!  

Raising Ira - Post 2

Ira is growing up real fast. And with her the pile of stories is mounting too – the silly kinds, the funny ones, the touchy ones, the high energy ones, the milestones, the anecdotes that I would like to look back fondly upon. Therefore I have decided to document these little incidents as and when they happen, for posterity lest my memory fails me. 

Date: October 29, 2013 – Tuesday, Pune       7.00 pm

I had barely managed to reach home after picking up Ira from the day care when my phone buzzed. I somehow accomplished to seat myself up on the sofa with the little one on my lap but only to realize that I had missed the call. I checked my phone and saw three missed calls and a couple of messages all pointing to a meeting which had started 20 minutes back for which I was to be the speaker.

I gave out a long sigh but smiled immediately to see Ira fast asleep – that meant that I could attend the call without getting worried about her. So I prepped up and dialed into the call with all enthusiasm, apologized for my delay and got immersed into the discussion. I was talking on and off therefore I hadn’t put myself on mute. Suddenly, in between all the chatter on the phone I heard a soft snore – sounded like that of a child’s. I smiled to myself and thought lovingly of a child who would have fallen asleep in their parent’s lap, parent being one of the participants on the call. With all these thoughts going on in my mind I tenderly turned my view to watch Ira fast asleep in my own lap  and lo behold  SNORING softly and in sync with the one on the call !!!!

The moment the call ended, I dialed in to check with one with of my colleagues if she had noticed the snore on the call – and she said, as a matter of fact she did, but apparently there was also some other baby noises in the background before I joined the call. I heaved a sigh of relief for not being the only one in the circle of suspicion!

Raising Ira - Post 1

Ira is growing up real fast. And with her, also mounting is my pile of stories – the silly kinds, the funny ones, the touchy ones, the high energy ones, the milestones, the anecdotes that I would like to look back fondly upon. Therefore I have decided to document these little incidents as and when they happen, for posterity lest my memory fails me.  

Date: October 30, 2013 – Wednesday, Pune

I had a call scheduled for 9.00 pm. Having known this engagement well in advance I was prepared with the works – such as print out of the document in question (lest I am not able log on if Ira refuses to sleep and there was not a doubt in my mind about not having the laptop near Ira because of the way she attempts to pull out the keys from the keyboard) and my writing instruments. Well my planning paid up as Ira indeed refused to sleep and was quite playful and active at the time my call started.

I sincerely logged in at 9, thanking my foresight and planning, with the confidence that I would just have to listen in with no participation required from my side, whatsoever. I was so bloody wrong – and at that minute I thought of Murphy and his abused law!

Anyway, I unmuted myself carefully – after being relieved to see little Ira (9 months) playing peacefully by herself. I started participating and jotting down notes. And then suddenly something was mentioned on the call l for which I couldn’t find the supporting document. I looked frantically through my print outs. I know I couldn’t have missed it. And then I see my little Ira – little little tiny Ira waving at me with a half torn , quarter crumbled and another quarter chewed paper and grinning ear to ear!!!

I laughed to myself, grabbed the paper and blew her a kiss.  In no time I finished the call and then it was play time with Ira.

P.S: Come to think of it – why didn’t I ask Vikram to watch her while I attended the call, well this was the time when Vikram was away for two weeks to Mumbai attending his induction for a new job.

Ink Review - Diamine Asa Blue

This is the first time I am writing a fountain pen ink review. After having spent a lot of time on the net searching for and a lot of money experimenting with various shades of blue – I finally came across the shade ‘Asa Blue’ within Diamine range of blue shades.

To my mind, this is one the loveliest blues that I have seen as far as fountain pen inks are concerned. The color is just about right on the brightness quotient – not too bright like the turquoise blue. And the price, well I won’t call it inexpensive at INR725/- for an 80 ml ink bottle, is definitely reasonable when compared to some of the other brands available in the market such the Pilot Iroshizuku Kon Peki which costs approximately $35, roughly about INR 2100 at the current rupee-dollar exchange rate.

I received the parcel along with some other stationary items from Pens Avenue. As usual their service, packaging, delivery and confirmation was excellent this time around too. After I received the parcel, I simply couldn’t wait to fill up my brand new Sheaffer fountain pen to full capacity to get started. And since then I have been using this pen-ink combination for all my writing activities and I must confess I still haven’t gotten tired of it. I have always believed that for the complete writing experience one needs to have the right combination of ink color and the writing instrument – sometimes it just happens, accidentally. While there are times when a certain amount of trial and error is required to get to the right amalgamation.  This time around, I can safely assume in having found the right combination just by fluke.

The writing is buttery smooth and the color is very pleasing to the eye. It is bright and catchy and makes the writing stand out. And the beauty is that it does so with subtlety. The ink lays down consistently on the paper giving a uniform shade all over to my writing. I haven’t noticed any feathering or bleeding – I find it quite a performer for long and fast sessions of writing.  As for the pen, the first thought that comes to my mind when I hold this writing instrument is its weight – This is really heavy. Almost feels like a vintage grandfather’s pen. I love it! It is nice to hold and is pretty big – although it feels a tad too heavy after some time if the cap is placed on the rear end. The nib is of ‘medium’ grade which allows a certain depth to the writing – I find it right for my taste, not a big fan of very bold or very thin writing.

Here’s scanned image to get a real glimpse of the color and texture:

 

My score for Asa Blue ink - 5/5

My score for Asa Blue ink and Sheaffer 300 M grade combination – 4/5

(The only reason I am rating it at 4 is because of the weight, which to me is a good as well as a not too good thing , depending on the period of writing involved)

Until my next review, happy writing!!

The 9 month spell of goodness….

Well well well, it’s been almost 4 months since my last blog. A lot has changed between then and now. I have changed drastically – of course intrinsically I am the same person; or so I‘d like to believe. But a lot of external things have changed for me - my size for example. Gone are the days when I could just slip into anything from my wardrobe – these days I need to think a lot. Getting into clothes, perhaps I can still manage – it’s the “getting out” part that worries me.

Another thing that’s changed for me is the “looks”. Every time I go out I get these “looks” from people; looks full of sympathy, full of empathy, concern and kindness. Not to mention the motherly advice. It comes in plenty from all walks of life - right from my office colleague to the house keeping staff to the local auto driver to my domestic help and even strangers at shops and malls. Mothers get reminded of their pre-natal days when they see me.

 I still cannot forget the day when, for the first time, I was asked to step aside from a line meant for security check at one of the malls. The lady gave me a kind smile and let me pass through the gap between the scanner and the glass door (for the uninitiated, scanners or any form of X Ray radiation is not good for the fetus, hence the precaution). Now it has become more of a norm. I get offered chairs at shops randomly by strangers – even if I don’t feel the need to sit.

I have always had this complaint about, we Indians not being courteous enough. One such example of un-courteous behavior is that you rarely find people holding out doors for you – in fact if you hold it out for someone coming behind you – you are likely to get stranded at the door itself for no one else would bother to carry on the responsibility as long as they get to pass through. However, all this has changed for me – I no longer have to face the slamming door. In fact, I have been receiving preferential treatment. People actually hold out doors for me and I am kindly allowed to pass through them first.

If that was not enough, I have had auto drivers tell me to sit in the middle of the cart to avoid a jerky/bumpy ride. And just the other day, when I stepped into local circulating library with my mother –in-law, because our very own “Just Books” was shut, I had the guy suggesting me to pick up a copy of the book “what to expect when you are expecting” !!!

After all this I have come to think that this world is really a kind kind place for mums-to-be, don’t you think?? Life seems so much more accommodating ever since the baby bump has started to show visibly! :P

Anyway, on the personal front life goes on as usual – with some occasional pains and aches. I have had quite a normal journey so far and sincerely hope to have a normal end to the entire process. Just got done with the baby shower function – and boy did I feel the shower!! It was overwhelming. Thanks to my parents-in-law, without whom I wouldn't have had this experience.

Finally, even with all the goodness around because of the visible bump, I cannot help getting restless to get it off me and hold the little one.  So the countdown begins as I wait for the D –Day. Or rather, in my case, I count the number of movies I can catch at the theater before the D – day  for I know once the baby arrives it would be a far away dream at least for two long years.

Ah, does that sound like a complaint? Well, for now it is – not sure if I would have the time to think about movies later….. As for my next blog, I shall be back soon!!